"No man is an Island" and ' show me your friends and I will tell you who you are' are two sayings as old as time. So yes, we all need friends. People we can count on, laugh with, reminisce with, share our sorrows with. Bottom line, we all need a support system. Having the right people in our lives can be a real blessing. Having the wrong ones can be a curse.
I have been a good friend sometimes and I have equally been a bad friend in other ways. But as I grow older and wiser, I have learnt the wisdom of having the right people in my life and also of doing the work I need to do to maintain my friendships.
A pivotal concept to understand is the Emotional bank account we have with each person in our lives. Like our bank accounts, if we do not make deposits into said account, the day we need money and we go try to make a withdrawal, absolutely nothing will come out of it.
Our emotional account with another human being can be filled by making deposits such as doing acts of kindness, calling them, checking on them, being supportive and kind etc. Then if we need to draw on this account like ask for help or support, because our account with them has positive deposits, we can be sure they will be there for them. Actions like always expecting them to be there for us, yet we never have time for them make huge negative deposits into these accounts.
1. The sincere friend. This one is an ideal friend. They stay in touch with us, celebrate when good things happen to us, praise us and pay us compliments, defend us behind our backs when others talk negatively about us. If we are down or depressed, this kind of friend will be sure to be there motivating us. Because they genuinely care about us, they will tell us to our face if we are making a mistake. People like this generally have respect for themselves and thus will not hesitate to tell us when we are disrespecting their boundaries.
2. The two-timing kind of friend. This person is generally no one's friend. They will only be friends with someone if they can benefit something from the relationship. It is all about them. They are usually fueled by hate and envy, never having anything nice or positive to say about anyone. They will get close to you just so they can be privy to all that is happening in your life. This way, they have things to gossip about and they can also compete.
If you listen keenly to them, all that ever comes out of their mouths is hate speech, gossip about every other person. They point out everything they see wrong. They can be real joy killers. Nothing is ever good enough. No matter what you do or have, you can be sure they will be there to point out who is doing better than you.
3. The self absorbed friend. This friend cares only about themselves. As long as you can be there for them do what they want, they will be your friend.
4. The Complainer. This one moans about everything in their life. If they call you or visit you, it is to talk about who crossed them, who did not do what for them, all the problems in their lives. The annoying part is they will never give you a chance to talk about your own life. Once they are done dumping their troubles on you, they are gone! Every encounter with them leaves you feeling depressed. These are energy vampires, sapping the life blood out of you.
5. The Arrogant friend. Arrogant people think they are better than everyone else. They are more gifted, more superior, more important etc. In fact, they honestly believe they are doing you a favor by being in your life. They would be rude to you in a heartbeat!
6. The self sacrificing friend. Self sacrificing people usually have no voice of their own, have no opinions and are desperate to be liked. People like these are usually under some kind of trauma and eventually will grow out of it as they grow in confidence. A self sacrificing person will be willing to be your personal doormat just so you can like them. But if you are a gracious person, you wouldn't take advantage of this friend's weakness. You may actually help them become stronger people. We most likely have been down at one time or the other in our lives. So, it follows that we can understand that even if someone is down, that does not mean we have to walk all over them.
7. The flatterer. This one takes the cake when it comes to fakeness. As long as they think it will get them into your good books, the flatterer will tell you all kinds of lies if they think you will be pleased. Even when you are dead wrong, they will say you are right. The flatterer needs you for one thing or the other, freebies, your connections, your savvy... as long as they can make use of you, they will pay you fake compliments.
Along the way, we have maintained some of our childhood friendships, gained new friends, cut off some friends etc. In as much as we like having people in out lives, if some friends are persistently hateful and disrespectful to us, then we have every right to gently push them out if our lives.
We can also let go of grudges etc if we can talk things out sincerely with friends and work out differences.
WHAT KIND OF FRIEND ARE YOU?
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